i just made my appointment...im getting my scans done for ccsvi on Aug 10, 2010. i should be happy and excited but it makes me scared and sick to my stomach. i dont know why...my thoughts and mental functions are starting to go strange...i am reading words and not getting the same meaning as normal people...my mind is a fog and my head feels heavy...nothing makes sense anymore. i want to hit something and i would damn it, if i had the strength....im so angry and full of rage and im incapable of venting it. this is killing me inside, its like i dont know who i am anymore...i feel so fake. i want to run away but i cant cause my damn legs DO NOT WORK!!!!!!!!
i can now officially STRESS OUT about finding $1250 to pay for the scans by aug 10 not to mention hotel and food expenses...oh and fuel.... it all seems hopeless. now here is where i totally leave my comfort zone and do something that goes against all that i am...
i need help my friends and the last thing i ever want to do is ask for help but...my health is getting worse but there is a chance that i have a curable condition called "chronic cerebrospinal venous insufficiency" or CCSVI. this condition causes the symptoms know as "multiple sclerosis" and is evident in 80% of people with those symptoms. i would like to find out if i am in the 80% that have ccsvi, this would set in motion the wheels toward getting the "liberation treatment". the liberation treatment is where the ms is at least stopped and most people regain balance, vision and the ability to recoup their energy quickly along with losing the soul killing spasms that keep me awake and wanting to cut my damn legs off.
im not asking for money. i dont know what i am asking for....maybe help by whatever means you may have available to you...time, talent, ideas...whatever you want to lend im open because i have 3 months to get this done. thanks for reading my plea and for any help you may lend.
§TëVë™
HI Steve, I've been following your blog but this is my first post on it. My heart feels your pain even though your struggle is far from what I can likely understand. I am going to ask Heavenly Father to help you and your family too, as I feel somewhat helpless. I would love to see a fundraiser that would make that $1250. burden disappear. Every time I've heard about that possible break through for some at least, with MS I have thought of you. How sad that you have to come up with the funds to get the testing done! I will definitely pray for an answer to be made clear and for peace to flood your heart and mind. I will also talk to my hubby about an amount that we could contribute towards your trip for the testing. You matter and your life has incredible value.
ReplyDeleteI will get back to you.
Gloria
Hey Steve,
ReplyDeleteI feel all those emotions.
I went for the imaging in Vancouver on the 8th. I unfortunately did have the results I was hoping for. Much like you are starting I fundraised and I would like to help pay it forward on to you. I would like to send you $200.00. Send me your mailing address at natalie.ross@ic.gc.ca and I will send you a cheque.
Keep your head held high and let poeple help. I too discovered that it is very hard to ask for help but poeple truly want to help. Let them do so!
Nat