i have lost my composure. something in me, be it my illness or chemical imbalance or maybe i have turned into a giant 6'5"ass hole (most likely) has just set me off. i have spent the last 2 hours arguing, cussing, belittling the one person who loves me...and i dont know why. i am angry as hell at something in my life and its not my lover, yet she takes my shit and lets me freak out about nothing and blame her for bullshit she didnt even do. how do i get this attitude or anger or whatever the hell it is out of me?
i used to be happy. slowly it has eroded and now all there is is this mean sick man who nobody wants to talk to anymore. i dont know how to fix this. can i be fixed? i dont trust doctors and i will never take a mind altering man made antidepressant , so i am screwed. i will lose all i have because i am changing in to something i am not and i cant stop it from happening...i should have seen this coming, i should have been prepared...but i didnt and im not and i cant blame anyone but me. i suck.
ya thats right. you're an asshole dude.
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