Thursday, July 29, 2010

post treatment update #1

so i have been quiet...i have have been going through a hurricane of emotions and strange body events since i last wrote and i have been tired...always tired. as i try to sort out all of the stuff i am going through i have been plagued with negativity towards the results of my angioplasty. i know that i tried to not think about what might happen and i knew going in that i may feel nothing at all...but in my heart i thought that this was going to be big for me. the procedure yielded no immediate results and i was quickly deflated...

i started looking for any little improvement...i was starting to feel defeated not just deflated, checking for finger movements and toe movements but nothing was getting better and i felt like trash. then i started to lift my left leg matter how i was feeling in the rest of my body, my left leg was always lifting better. my moodiness has also mellowed pretty dramatically and so i have started looking for bigger picture improvements like arm strength and steadiness instead of finger and toe movements...the first things to go wont be the first things to comeback...they will likely be the last things i recover. so i am happy with the bigger things that i see and i also take heart knowing that the other little things will be following at some point.

i feel best in the morning right after breakfast and i fade somewhat as the day goes on. i have decided that my pot habit left over from my pretreatment days is definitely a huge hindrance in my recovery and is probably the sole factor in me not seeing the better i now am faced with another own fault...still another challenge.

talk to you all in a week!!


  1. I think getting better may be somewhat like finding out you have MS...slow and steady.
    I admire that you have taken the plunge and gotten to where you are.
    Hang in there...better days will come.
    I'm thinking of you.


  2. I'm glad you're finding some changes, Steve. The mood thing was really dramatic for me, and everyone has noticed a HUGE improvement. Not me, I always thought I was really special, but it's hard to be objective about yourself.

    The pot thing I thought would be hard, but I have scarcely touched the stuff since treatment.

    You're right that the first things to go will not be the first to come back. My physio told me that I will heal from the head down, so am pleased when I find that things taste differently, or when I dream, or when my 'don't know left from right' isn't as challenging. I get scared when my leg drags more and it's harder to get up the stairs than it was the first and second day, but everything has its time in the healing process.

    Triumph in the small stuff and know the bigger stuff is yet to come. Not all the way for us who have gone down so far, but lots better than getting worse every f'ng day.


  3. Steve....hugs buddy! I 2 am in a chair (12 years wanting angio so badly I can taste it. BUT I need and want to hear from folks in similar situations.