so i have been quiet...i have have been going through a hurricane of emotions and strange body events since i last wrote and i have been tired...always tired. as i try to sort out all of the stuff i am going through i have been plagued with negativity towards the results of my angioplasty. i know that i tried to not think about what might happen and i knew going in that i may feel nothing at all...but in my heart i thought that this was going to be big for me. the procedure yielded no immediate results and i was quickly deflated...
i started looking for any little improvement...i was starting to feel defeated not just deflated, checking for finger movements and toe movements but nothing was getting better and i felt like trash. then i started to lift my left leg better...no matter how i was feeling in the rest of my body, my left leg was always lifting better. my moodiness has also mellowed pretty dramatically and so i have started looking for bigger picture improvements like arm strength and steadiness instead of finger and toe movements...the first things to go wont be the first things to comeback...they will likely be the last things i recover. so i am happy with the bigger things that i see and i also take heart knowing that the other little things will be following at some point.
i feel best in the morning right after breakfast and i fade somewhat as the day goes on. i have decided that my pot habit left over from my pretreatment days is definitely a huge hindrance in my recovery and is probably the sole factor in me not seeing the better result...so i now am faced with another challenge...my own fault...still another challenge.
talk to you all in a week!!