i like to think i have things under control....the last 12 hrs have showed me that i clearly DO NOT. i should be getting excited about getting my angioplasti done but i stress about it and getting everything in order in my head is really starting to stretch my sanity. my children cant or wont treat eachother with any kind of civility, so there is ALWAYS tension in the house. the last few weeks my physical being has been absolutly terrible...i started to lose my legs last week...from the knees down its like a tree stump...no feeling in my toes and feet, the further up my leg it lessens somewhat but its like walking on peglegs...now i am faced with the blistering heat which has utterly descimated me, i can hardly keep myself on the couch cause i have zero muscle control in my torso.
if thats not enough (and really is it ever enough?) i managed to pull my physical self together enough to go pick jen and abs up from the airport. the drive proved to much...for the van. on the 401 at leslie the head gaskets blew causing the van to stop. jen was going to take a cab home (approx $200 my dad was going to cover so i didnt have to drive) but i couldnt let him spend that kind of cash...in the end it cost us $250 and some serious stress last night and now today as i try and figure out how the hell i am going to get another car to replace this one.
isnt it funny? all the bullshit that life throws at us, and we take it...go out of our minds trying to keep everything above water and scratch out an existance. some of us do well and float with ease, some of us have had a hole in the boat since birth and cant bail ourselves out no matter how hard we try.
lastly...i would like to thank mary, tyler, brian, shannon, rachelle, sheryl and bob, natalie, charmaine. patricia, all the dunns, m & d and everyone that supported me in raising funds and donations. i couldnt have donne this without your help.
my biggest thank you goes out to jen my lover and best friend in the world. you are the glue that kept it all together.