prep work for trouble

today i am going to see my MS doctor downtown...i am not a fan of downtown. people are rude and pushy and everything is crowded and expensive. i am taking all my gear for pictures and even a video maybe....if all goes well i will get in to some trouble while im there! look out st. mikes §TëVë™ is in the house!!

MS + cold = bad... MS + cold + fever = night from hell

yesterday i started getting a cold...that is never a good thing. while the runny nose is annoying and the plugged nose voice is funny, i get dragged out and tired... still its not as bad as it could get. jen just brought me fresh blueberries and strawberries, a cup of home-brew coffee and 2 slices of rye with cheddar....yes, thats how bad my night was...fresh fruit always makes me happy :)


when i went to bed with abs at 9pm-ish i could tell the fever was coming. it usually comes while i sleep...the fever that is...dirty minded people....last night didnt disappoint. at 1pm-ish woke up and had to pee...not a big deal when i dont have a fever...but i HAD a fever...so the fun started as soon as i tried to get out of bed...just reviewing my post and i didnt tell you why a fever is bad... when my internal body temperature rises because of exercise or say a FEVER all my energy disappears and i lose most of my ability to control my body.


getting out of bed...how hard can it be, you say? let me tell you how hard...(again, get your minds out of my gutter!) you know when your tired and you stretch your arms and legs out to there max length and they can kinda lock in the stretch position for a split second...well my legs lock and my knees wont bend when i have a fever...try getting out of a bed like that...its not easy but then try WALKING!!


so i am tired sick AND have a fever...its dark, i have to pee really bad (a whole different story as to why i wait so long to go...maybe later) and i cant bend my knees so im walking in a half ass Frankenstein type way but worse is i cant lift my feet so they drag and catch on everything. it was touch and go getting to the bathroom door but the fall didnt happen till i tried to sit on the throne (standing is not an option anymore). instead of landing on the seat one knee buckled and i fell in to the tub...crotch blowing in the wind...and since i was in a crisis my bladder started to let go and created a piss fountain...all when i was using my hands to keep from falling deeper in to the tub. not to be out done by the tub the toilet proved to be just a big an ass hole as said tub...i managed to kill the fountain and pull myself out of the tub and sit on the toilet but my legs wouldnt pull apart so my crotch wasnt pointed in to the toilet...can you say hello fountain part 2? by the time a got everything situated i was out of pee...as was evident by the yellow puddle around me and my new yellow clothes....i cleaned up with lots of effort and went back to bed.


2:30 and i woke for round 2...i figured that the same thing would happen if i went to the bathroom so i opted for the easier way or so i thought...my pee bottle! again i had leg lock and i couldnt bend my knees OR pull my legs apart so i couldnt fit the bottle properly and i had fountain part 3 aimed at the wall and my clothes from yesterday plus i couldnt empty completly so i had to go to the bathroom anyway!!!


lots of fun living this life...there is never a dull moment or a second of dignity anymore. as funny as i make it sound for you to read, it makes me want to cry.


§TëVë™

my head hurts and thats my story

the sun is shining on my window. the window at the very top of my tallest wall. its a beautiful window with many different colours and textures. blazing reds and bottomless blues...grassy greens and lemon yellows fitting together in chaotic togetherness. each piece adding its wonderful uniqueness to the light that it is given to celebrate. then the wicked troll came and kicked my window in...what a jerk.

so we went to the mall...i dont have much use for the mall but its better than sitting home...alone...all by myself....**see side note...so after the boys went to school jen abs and myself all got in the van (ok i kinda fell in to the van) and headed to the x-ray clinic to pick up some...you guessed it...cd's!(that had x-ray images on them)

im not feeling this story...i have so much shit going on in my life right now its unreal...it makes it hard to sound positive or even be funny. im sorry for all the half ass thoughts but this is all i can muster today...just total randomness

heart burn really burns...no joke.

<<< would you wear these colours??

**i have to say... man am i tired i can hardly keep my eyes open and its only 1:17 in the afternoon...now i just get a call from jacob's school and he is being a freak. sometimes i wonder what i did to have all this happen to me...

random, purge, remember, GET OUT!!!!

posture...if you knew what was going through my head you would run...am i tired or am i lazy...i still like sesame street...do you really want me to do that?....its getting light outside at 6:10am...if it wasn't for me i would be perfect...but showers are REALLY dangerous...exploiting myself for small gains is ok..i know your 16, thats why you need a size 12 in the ass...everything is legal as long as you don't get caught...honesty is not over rated...life isn't fair, its just worth it...

so i have deleted american politics from my email. things are looking bleak for the Yankees and it is bringing me down so i need to purge it from my mind and fill the gap with something else....but that is a problem. being immobile has some very difficult problems attached to it...like its difficult to move and get around (duh) so doing anything requires some serious effort and i usually get discouraged before i ever get my shoes on...i feel bad for jen because she cant really do anything with me because i change my mind often and that makes me hard to predict...not easy for planning an outing.

this is me 25 years ago...doing what i loved. back then it was all easy but little did i know that 3 years later i would be diagnosed with MS...that picture was taken out back of "vogue bra"... yepper the best bmx jump was at the back of a bra factory on gordon baker rd in scarborough there was also a make shift bmx track 5 minutes away in a field out back of batta shoes on victoria park...shoes, bras and bmx...oh the life.

i have the desire to go out and do something today...i dont know what but i will be going out somewhere with my camera to take pictures and if im lucky i will get in to some mischief...i will report back later today with the results of my outing!!

§TëVë™

the cocky kripple

hello from over here! im thankful for all that i have...good and bad.....

the good:

i have a beautiful daughter and a beautiful wife...3 boys who are a joyful pain in my ass...mom and dad...craig and marc....the ZZ discography...good friends...KUSH (my taste in meds is a tad expensive but its my life and my only real indulgance)...a computer that kinda works...memories that i can still remember...heat in the winter...a clean garage...the blues and loud wide open tube amps...people who remember what i was like and are still willing to deal with me even though i have become public asshole #1...that i have a monthly cheque from cpp...that my rent is paid and i dont live in the street...i still have a lot of my hair...i can still have sex...i can still find someone willing to have sex (thanks SO MUCH jenna!!)...i had 18 years of life with out being afflicted....jen has a job...

the bad:

thankful for my MS because: <<< this is really the only bad thing in my life or maybe everything else just pales in comparison?

it has taught me that life isnt all about me (though that doesnt stop me from being in the centre of everything) and that its definitely NOT fair but its still the best fucking gift you're EVER going to get so run like hell with the ball and dont ever stop to look back...it has taught me compassion because i know what its like to suffer and have what feels like every ounce of shit in the world land on me all at once...it has taught me material possessions mean nothing in the long run or even in the short term...i have a greater sense of self worth but also self loathing....it has made me A FUCKING SUPER HERO!!! try my body on for 10 seconds and you will be screaming to get out, its my 24/7/365 job that i never get a break from... ever! you can call me SUPERMAN!!!!


§TëVë™

lost thoughts and insanity...§TëVë™ in a nutshell?

this has started with a title that it may not finish with...already i have lost my train of thought and i have no idea where i was going with it. abs brought an unopened box of honey (hunny if your a pooh fan...its on the tv...leave me alone) nut cheerios to me. i dont even know where any of this is going...everything is distracting me and thats a hard thing to overcome but i will try.

^ ^ ^ ^ i apologies for the above...

i want to do something. i am tired of doing nothing...maybe its the feeling that i cant do anything thats the hardest thing to deal with (that coupled with the ability jacob has for talking to me at times when i dont want to be talked to....like now!). i have started doing this blog and facebook in an effort to keep myself from going off the deep end...which everyone including my wife and parents think i already am.

it is not easy being the one people think is a tad off...i have become very straight forward...i have lost a little bit of my ...well lets just say i can be kind of coarse.  my views are never easily swayed and my conversations can be very heated resulting in little bitch sessions where i actually get my ass up and leave the room. jen has a picture somewhere of a trip where it happened (im sure she will post it when she reads this...i know i can count on that). wow...how did i get to this point? i went from trying to stay sane to proving that i AM insane...who saw that coming?

back to what ever it was i was saying....uh....right...this blog is part of me doing something. my photomentary thing has morphed into more of a story with a few pictures...but i am having fun with it. i want to expand a bit more with it...get a little bit of group participation happening (not that kind of group participation you dirty ol'.....though that kind of thing could be arranged with the right... geez lmao). i need things to do, ideas to get me out and to take pictures and vids and then put it all together in one way or another for presentation. maybe i should get suggestions or put something up for a vote...i dunno...you?

this was the original title..."unpredictability and the relentless"

sNOw

 well snow is supposed to get here today...lots. thats what i read yesterday. today it seems like snow may not arrive...THANK GOD!!!! while snow looks amazing there is very little else appealing about it...its worst quality is cold. snow means the absence of summer and who in their right mind wants that??? i am a pro summer kind of guy...long days and warm nights...always being outside with family and friends...its the REAL reason to drink beer...windows open and music on...cruising in the car...GOING TO THE BEACH!!...

SUMMER HURRY UP AND GET HERE!!!! I MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH!!

Getting out!!

yesterday,

we had breakfast at eggs-crepes...predictable...magic wake up w/ chocolate uh...sauce i guess, 3 eggs over medium...home fries with bacon and coffee, and a bowl of mixed berries with borrowed chocolate from the wake up. even the part-timers know the order and i like that. after breakfast it was already decided that we were going out to do SOMETHING...jen mentioned IKEA but i would never go there...i do not like IKEA...

jen got on the 401 and we went to.... while on the way to .... i got the idea to text craig, who only lives 30min from....it was agreed that he would come to...and pick me up and we would hangout somewhere in Toronto for the afternoon. so craig arrived about 20 or so minutes after jen left, after our hugs and hellos it was decided that we needed to eat. craig and i like to break bread together as often as we see each other...its a bonding event and its proper since we tend to get in to DEEP conversations when we get together (i wonder why?), and you just cant do that on an empty stomach.

it was decided that we would check out IKEA's cafe...while the food looked good and the prices were cheap as you can see >>>
the staff on hand did not like the fact that i had a video camera and a dslr and made a point of telling me to shut them down. we were forced to re-evaluate our eating arrangement. we then went on a high speed race through ikea...after searching for what felt like days we finally found the exit and headed for fairview mall.

we took the 401 to the 404 and exited at sheppard. we had fun honking at people...people dont like getting honked at and i noticed the first response (even if they didnt know who was honking) was to flip the finger up...we rolled in to the parking lot at around 1pm...sparked one up and relaxed. after about 30 minutes we dragged the wheelchair out of the trunk and rolled in to the mall.

here is where memories are uh...a bit fuzzy (again i wonder why?) i recall getting in trouble from a REAL REAL REAL hot chick in the apple store...>>>>
i think she said something about copyrights or something like that but i was just overwhelmed by THC and the smell of perfume...the nice ass was where i just said "uh...ok...i will just exploit the shit out of the pictures i already took." she seemed ok with that...so we sat and watched her work for a few minutes then remembered we were hungry...for FOOD...get your mind out of my gutter!! off we went to the food court which i havent seen in 8 years...since working at BMO. the problem with food courts for me is WAY too many choices...but for craig thats where the fun begins...


we took the elevator to the lower level... not saying that craig didnt try to take me down the stairs...many times craig took liberties he thought were funnier than those around us...running towards the stairs at full speed then letting me go 30 feet before the edge of the stairs...flying solo at 15kph in the wheelchair is kinda fun....watching people faces as i come screaming towards the stairs at a high rate of speed is absolutely hilarious, then craig would grab me 5 feet before the edge and swerve me out of harms way!! scary way to get our kicks but man it was fun...ask me again after i go down the stairs head first LOL!!! oh yeah... the food court...

<< this is the table where we ate ...its at face level for me. its the bar type ledge with tall chairs. the regular seating didn't accommodate me at all, so we improvised. food selection is always fun with craig because we get to check out every vendor...talk with the ones who will talk, eat samples from the ones who will give them (typical grilling type places with pricey food) then settle on splitting a tuna sub from mr.sub(it was the best damn sub i have had in a while)...  the bourbon grill shot us dirty looks as we ate.

at this point i was close to exhausted so we decided that we would skip going to the STC and head to my place and get some cheap wine and some wendys, fire up the vaporizer and watch "pineapple express"...and thats what we did...8:30 we opened the garage door and saw that craigs car was covered in...UHHHHH! SNOW!!!...the last thing craig said befre he left on his 11/2 journy home was..."one love bredrin...no worries i got two new snows on the front...." i told him have fun and the e-brake is his friend in the snow...he then departed.

"rusty cage"

today i embark on a journy to media hell....i have a twitter account, facebook account & a blogger account. all this is an effort to get me out and about and connecting with people...i havent done that in a long long time. i have given myself a life sentence in the house with no chance of parole...**"i am gonna break out of my cage....and run."


** soundgarden.

8 months later...

i have been doing other stuff to pass my time...on facebook mostly.

here is the link to my photomentary: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=329585827017